How to keep track of your nuclear weapons

With bar codes!

The US Air Force has given a Team Excellence award to a contractor providing bar code tracking so they'll always know where their H-bombs are.

Our systems are failsafe

From today's New York Times, apropos of the meltdown at Fukushima:

Michael Tetuan, a spokesman for G.E.’s water and power division, staunchly defended the technology this week, calling it “the industry’s workhorse with a proven track record of safety and reliability for more than 40 years.”

Mr. Tetuan said there are currently 32 Mark 1 boiling water reactors operating safely around the globe. “There has never been a breach of a Mark 1 containment system,” he said.

From Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
...General Jack D. Ripper has sent B52s to drop H-bombs on targets inside the USSR... Dialogue ensues in the War Room
...
Muffley: General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you assured me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring!
Turgidson: Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.

Apropos of instructions from my Pilates trainer

Syphilophobiac Willy
Took precautions that seem rather silly
He'd step up quite gingerly
And pee intermittently
Fearing salmonlike swimming bacilli

(Not that she's got the clap... The Pilates instruction was a suggestion about how to find my pelvic floor muscles.)

The meter's a little off - feel free to propose adjustments.

Thanks, Tycho!